My (love) story…
Originally posted in Facebook on April 4, 2012 at 1:56am
Growing up, I’ve seen people cry and get hurt because of failed relationships. I’ve also seen how polygamous men are- (beep, beep- to all men who might get the chance to read this)- I love all the men (my dad, grandfathers, uncles, granduncles, brother & chosen brother, cousins and good friends) in my life but I just couldn’t ignore that polygamy exists. That, in a way made me wiser and paranoid- at least in my own understanding and definition of the words. During my teenage years, I had crushes and “kilig” moments but I told myself that I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship because I don’t want to get hurt. I’m happy and contented with my closed group of friends and a “special someone”- a crush and a very good friend who is always there for me.
At that time, I told myself- that’s all that I need- family, good friends & someone I fancy but not too much that will cause me pain. But, fate has its own way of playing around with me- I fell in love with “first boyfriend,” my first commitment which turned out to be a not so good experience. That is when “the crush-best friend” left the picture and a few months after that, my relationship failed too. That’s broken heart #1; I was a teenager and didn’t really take the relationship seriously, but I was still hurt.
The world did not stop because I was broken hearted so life went on…I was hurt but I have my cool friends around and within my reach whenever and wherever I need and want them. God is so good that He added more in my list. I met someone who practically didn’t leave my side. He comes to visit me every day; we go to different places in the metro to unwind. We visit my “mafia sister” almost every time that I feel like it. It came to a point that he already “liked” her but didn’t have the courage to court her; at least according to one of the letters that he wrote to me (yes, he writes friendly letters to me too). We talk and chat over the phone almost every night. He tried to help me move on… he tried, but failed. The only thing which is different about “new-found friend” is he practiced witchcraft; I almost did too. However, I chose to turn to God and asked for guidance, I asked Him to pull me away if it’s not good for me; in which He did.
Summer of 2000, I met he-who-must-be-forgotten. We met, fell in love and we’re already officially together before I even realized it. Everything happened too fast… first I was broken hearted, then is getting along very well with “new-found friend” and then I fell in love and got into a relationship with “he-who-must-be-forgotten.” That’s when “new-found friend” and I drifted apart. He told me, he feels I will be happy and wished me all the best. He left.
He-who-must-be-forgotten brought me closer to God and I considered that as God’s answer to my prayers. He was my first grown up love; the one whom I thought is the right one. We’ve been through a lot and managed to stick together through thick and thin (though, we were both “thick”). His family treated me like one of their own and my family learned to accept him. I loved his family like my own and I’ve always looked forward to my future with them- at least legally. I loved his friends too; they in return embraced me and accepted me like a family member. It was not a perfect relationship but it kept me going and made me feel “human.”
To my dismay, the relationship fell apart right in front of my eyes, (again) before I even comprehend what’s going on. Or maybe I should say, I realized what’s happening but did not do something about it. We had a very strong love relationship, which unfortunately didn’t last forever… The next thing that I knew- I am single and broken to pieces.
Summer of 2006, the day after our anniversary, we officially parted ways. That’s broken heart#2 and hopefully the last because it destroyed my heart. I was a mess! I didn’t know where to start picking up the pieces which are broken into a million tiny minute parts. I actually thought that I will never be able to move on. It was a difficult time- since during the time that I was mending a broken heart, a lot of things happened to my family. My dad and mom got sick almost one after the other and the person who I thought will be there for me is gone. The good thing was, I lost one person, God replaced him with a handful…
My friends and family were there for me – literally. To my surprise, he-who-must-be-forgotten’s friends were also there for me. And if there’s one thing I’m grateful for out of that failed relationship – is that I earned an older brother. My friends were the nurturing ones while my Kuya was the tough one. The one who “slapped reality in my face” and told me to move on with my life! He made me understand that it’s not the end of the world so I have to continue with my life and look forward to my future because life is still beautiful even without “the ex” – obviously.
I enjoyed and appreciated the company of my ever so reliable friends but I also longed for “alone time.” I found peace and spiritual solace in church all the time (this is still true up to now). I dwell on the pain…I blamed myself for a lot of things…I was haunted by guilt. I was deeply hurt; I got mad, bitter, crazy and full of regrets…I was pathetic! Despite that, I protected he-who-must-be-forgotten, I didn’t want my friends to hate him because he’d been a good friend. I hated him- for a time…but I didn’t want that anger to spread… Anyway in the end, I was blessed with the gift of forgiveness. I just accepted everything that happened and learned to forgive, which turned beneficial for myself more than anyone.
It was not easy…it took me almost forever. The most difficult part was “breaking up” with the family, the pain was almost unbearable. It was more than double the pain that I felt when he-who-must-be-forgotten and I parted ways. I never actually thought I am capable of completely letting go and moving on. This time, my prayers to God was, “let me let go, find myself and be happy being single.” I begged him to please don’t send another love just to help me “stand up.” Let me do it on my own. Lo and behold, praise God- I did it! (And for the family, I didn’t actually wanted to turn my back on them, but I was forced to- for the sake of peace)
Summer of 2009, three years after he-who-must-be-forgotten and I officially parted ways, I “opened the doors to my heart.” That’s when I thought I was ready to commit- but I’m not. When I felt that I am almost falling for someone I immediately pulled myself back. But, it’s something that I didn’t regret.
Two years later, I am still single…but, at this point in my life, I know in my heart that God answered my prayers. I am single, happy and enjoying my life to the fullest. At the back of my mind, I still have my greatest dream of having a happy family life in the future- which means the NEAR future because I’m old. I always tell officemates that I just want to become a housewife—that’s whenever I get too stressed out with a lot of things at work; to translate in numbers – that’s basically every day of my life. Lol!
During this time, I met “the infamous crush” who makes me “travel back” to HS, gives me butterflies in my stomach- but those feelings keeps me sane and let my mind stay away from all the stress and problems at work. Someone whom I refer to as “my soul mate” whenever I talk to my nieces and the person who I refer to as the person who will eventually make me leave Sykes- if in case… Lol! Probably, he will only be a crush forever but we’ll see…haha!
Well, the real thing…I surrendered everything to God. I am happy that I achieved inner peace. My life isn’t perfect…I know it never will be, but whatever God’s plans are, I am willing to wholeheartedly accept it. I know He has plans for me and if part of it, is for me to become a housewife and have a happy family life – I will be more than thankful; but if it’s not – I don’t mind. I know in my heart, that whatever God’s plans are, that is the best that can ever happen to my life in this world.
I’ve been through a lot—it may not be as tough as what 99.99% of the people in this planet had been through…but during tough times, I’ve been blessed with insurmountable amount of strength that only God can provide. I am grateful that he’d taken me this far…
Now, I am turning 32…I didn’t become a lawyer but I have a career which makes me one way or the other help “shape” people’s lives; I have a better relationship with my family, I have a handful of good friends whom I can best describe as my chosen family. I also have my own personal relationship with God which to me is very important… I’m neither famous nor wealthy, but I’m happy my heart is finally healed…I am blessed!
That is my story…what happens next is still a mystery.